Like most human activity, physical intimacy can be placed on a scale from 1 to 10.
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Rape and incest would, of course, be on the zero end of the spectrum.
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Allow me to share thoughts on a 10: Two virgins of the opposite sex who are loved and respected by their community meet and are highly attracted to one another. They fall in love. After some time, they make a lifelong commitment to one another and share total intimacy. They completely physically, mentally, and, for lack of a better word, spiritually, unite at orgasm.
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They participate unprotected with the knowledge that they may conceive a new life and are eager to do so because of their love for one another.
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All their past, future and present unites in one moment. All bodily organs are functioning for the purpose that nature evolved them. No holes barred. The experience is total.
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Most of our attempts at intimacy fall somewhere between the "0" and "10" ends of the spectrum.
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Here's an example: 2 consenting adults who have lifelong commitments to other parties meet secretly in a motel to share an evening of all out sex. They have no particular commitment to the sexual partner of the moment. They use one another for gratification of need. Is this a 5 or below?
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As we get closer to zero, there is more inherent violence in the act.
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When we deny the personhood of another, we are displaying violence toward them. We lie about their full personhood to them, and this is abuse, whether it be verbal or tactile. Personhood contains past, present and future.
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The deep subconscious desire of a person is to approach a 10 in intimacy with someone.
I doubt if I've ever met anyone who has been there. They'd probably be dead.