JMH Dull Productions


There are underwear smellers amongst us - those folks who get off on stealing into secrecies of others' lives. They slip in and out of the crevices of our universe. They know no boundaries.

On a grand scale, there are the paparazzi; spies; religious fanatics who feel they are achieving potency by controlling any thought that threatens their little being; internet stalkers.

On little scales, we have gossips, snitches, those who sleek in dark corners waiting to pounce on the intricacies of your life - giggle, giggle.

There's something about smelling other folks underwear that gives us a feeling of power over them. If I know something about you that you would rather others didn't, I have some leverage on you in the schemes of barter that we all employ. Governments make great use of underwear smellers as does industry. If I can find an impotent who becomes my puppet by delving into others' secrecies, I have delegated my underwear smelling to those more competent in that skill and predilection.

If I can throw a magazine up at the grocery store counter that allegedly smells the underwear of the perceived great, I make money on the populaces' underwear smelling tendencies, marketing to those who crave the scoop on Brad and Angelina. What are they doing anyway? Hmmm... Salivation begins...

Underwear smellers in our midst make us feel uncomfortable if we can identify them. We shun their presence. Some are so good at what they do, they go unnoticed. We bosom up to them and share our most treasured secrets. As they cozy up, they are relentlessly probing and sniffing. Beware!

The fact is, natural selection has chosen for this trait. We all have a bit of the smeller in us. Some have developed their more intense sniffer traits to max. It is those we fear. The McCarthyites and the witch burners take the cake.

Please stay away from my underwear. You might find that I don't necessarily change it every day. I will sometimes do my own little sniff test in the morning to see if I'm acceptable to my fellows. If my nose isn't particularly working well on some fine day, please forgive me now in advance.

By the way, I have a little bit of the sniffer tendency myself. Better keep me away from your bedroom. Sniff sniff - Ah!!! Such information I have on you. Giggle, giggle - better steer clear of me.